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Directed Promotion: [Sufficiently Advanced] Back Cover

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  1.  # 1
    Inspired by Daneil Solis' wonderful front cover, I made a back cover to match:



    Comments are welcome. In case you can't read the text, it says:

    We left Earth behind, though we will never forget it.

    With aid from the future and the wisdom of the past, we stepped into new worlds across the universe.

    We made new homes here, and new ways of life, each of us walking our own path. We strove for peace and knowledge, for love and truth. We clung to tradition and built our futures from it. Many of us fell along the way.

    The world is not the way it once was, but this is ever true – change, as they say, is the only constant. Now we are together again, for good or ill, for the short run or the long haul. Whether there will be a melding of ideas or a violent shattering remains to be seen.

    Once we reached for the stars. Now we have them.

    What we do with them is up to us.

    (And it has the Arthur C. Clarke quotation: "Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.")
    •  
      CommentAuthorGraham
    • CommentTimeJul 14th 2007
     # 2
    Mmm. May I be honest? I don't know what the game's about, from reading that. What sort of sci-fi is it? Big laser cannons? Gritty realistic colony-building? Scientific exploration?

    Also...there's quite a lot of platitudes, there. "Once we reached for the stars. Now we have them."; "The world is not the way it once was", "Change, as they say, is the only constant". Some flowery language is cool, but that's a banquet of anchovies.

    Graham
  3.  # 3

    I like this back copy text, assuming that this is a surreal and posthuman future, perhaps post-singularity, here. If it's something else, I'd want to know that. If that's what it is, I think it's pretty clear.

    •  
      CommentAuthorTemple
    • CommentTimeJul 14th 2007
     # 4
    I have to disagree with Graham. I think the text works.
    It doesnt convey much in the way of content, but to me it speaks volumes of the themes, moods and emotions the game wants to communicate.
    • CommentAuthorPaul Czege
    • CommentTimeJul 14th 2007
     # 5
    Hey Colin,

    I like the text, and I like the art, and my first reaction was to give you a thumbs up.

    But my second thought is that Graham is right. Gamers have long been, and remain, I think, pretty willing to open their wallets for evocative text. But I think indie games have had an effect on that and it's changing, and that increasingly folks are expecting interesting mechanical and authorial experiences from roleplaying. (Have you seen an online conversation about suspension of disbelief in the past year? Me neither. Roleplaying is increasingly less about losing yourself to someone else's authorial mojo.) I think today you could sell a lot of copies of Sufficiently Advanced with the back cover text that you have, but I also think you don't want the game to be behind the changing expectation curve.

    So I think you need some text about the "game" of play. What's the challenge the players face with their characters?

    Paul
  6.  # 6
    Posted By: Paul CzegeSo I think you need some text about the "game" of play. What's the challenge the players face with their characters?


    I'm not sure what the first sentence is saying, and I don't think there's just one single challenge that will appear in every single game of SA. It's a big universe.

    I hear what you guys are saying about over-pretentious text; I'll try to extract some of the platitudes. It is intended to be a "post-human" or "transhuman" setting, so maybe I can work some of that in.
  7.  # 7

    I hear what you guys are saying about over-pretentious text; I'll try to extract some of the platitudes. It is intended to be a "post-human" or "transhuman" setting, so maybe I can work some of that in.

    I think that will be platitudinous.

    I think you need to hit up the pitch thread, figure out a couple of sentences that grab the mind of the customer, and go from there.

    What do the characters do? What questions do they address?

  8.  # 8
    I think saying "characters enforce intellectual property law and, in the process, save billions of lives" might confuse people. Two whole pages early on in the book are devoted to explaining what's really going on here. I'll see what I can do. Here's the quick version in case folks have suggestions for how to word it:

    1. Your characters work for the Patent Office.
    2. The Patent Office is run by the Transcendental AIs, who can send messages to themselves from the future.
    2a. Every civilization knows that.
    3. The Transcendentals want humanity to survive so that they'll have friends in the future.
    4. You save humanity.

    But frankly, if someone wants to run the game differently, it's 100% possible and nothing in the rules forces or even nudges the game down this path. It's just the standard premise. Will a back cover that says the above drive away folks who would rather do something else?

    (Also, I may start another thread about how "Your characters will ______!" games are really starting to annoy the shit out of me. If I ever make a character and don't know what they'd do, it's my own damn fault for building a boring character with no goals or personality.)
  9.  # 9
    I now want to play this game. Were it in my local gamestore I would just have bought it.

    In other words; works for me.
  10.  # 10
    Colin, I wouldn't worry about turning off people from your desired playstyle for your game. Even if it doesn't work for someone, the fact that you've clearly described what players do in the game gives potential buyers something to talk about.
  11.  # 11
    Posted By: Colin_Fredericks
    1. Your characters work for the Patent Office.
    2. The Patent Office is run by the Transcendental AIs, who can send messages to themselves from the future.
    2a. Every civilization knows that.
    3. The Transcendentals want humanity to survive so that they'll have friends in the future.
    4. You save humanity.


    Wow. Now, if you were to put THIS on the back-cover, I would at the very least leaf through it and read the introduction. I must admit the blurb you posted first did not sound anything like interesting or engaging to me, but this, this rocks. Use it as the weird attention getter and add some more, smaller text giving info about what to expect from the game and why one should buy it.
    Lines 2a and 4 are perfect punchline gold.

    [edit: also see this thread for just this point]
    •  
      CommentAuthorAndy
    • CommentTimeJul 15th 2007
     # 12
    I love the text. It really doesn't explain the game's nuts and bolts, but whatever. Style beats substance in some cases.

    What I would love to explore sometime is the possibility of ANOTHER place in the game to put the nuts-and-bolts section. The last printed page?

    If you ever look at popular hardcover books, the back blurb never has shit about the book. You have to open the book and read the inside flap of the dust jacket, and even then you usually have to skip about 2 paragraphs of "From Award Winning Author xxxxxx..." and the like before we ever get to a brief summary of what the game is about.

    Where, in stylish RPGs, can we put the nuts and bolts text? Traditionally, it goes on the back cover. I wouldn't mind seeing it on the first 2 or last page of the book...

    -Andy
    • CommentAuthortadk
    • CommentTimeJul 15th 2007
     # 13
    I just want this game for myself
    •  
      CommentAuthorAnemone
    • CommentTimeJul 16th 2007
     # 14
    I love the look. As for the back cover text, I really like that feeling that our fate is up to us, but I suspect the text can be edited and refined to best convey that feeling. I also really like the bullet point summary, and I think it needs to be placed somewhere where it will rapidly be found by a browsing gamer.

    I look forward to the game's publication.
  15.  # 15
    Yeah... add me to the list of people who need more of a hook than that. I'm not much of a scifi fan, though, so that might be part of the reason. But I'd really like to know what kinds of things I'd be doing in the game and how the game is different in helping me do them than other games (or freeforming). You can't explain all that in the back, but you can give hints that'll make me pick it off the shelf and leaf through it (or look at samples online or whatnot).
    • CommentAuthorAbrahm
    • CommentTimeJul 16th 2007
     # 16
    I loved your back cover text. It really set a mood and was quite evocative. It reminds me of my early experiences picking up White Wolf cores and reading the back, totally rocked my world.

    But, with only that text my thoughts would be, "Awesome! I'm going to go home and google this." I'd do a quick flip through and then be on my way.

    With your nice little bullet list (or an improved edit of same) my reaction would change to be, "Crazy! I need to check this out now!" coupled with a deliberate scan of the insides to see if I needed this now or could wait to go home and read up.
  17.  # 17
    Posted By: Colin_FredericksBut frankly, if someone wants to run the game differently, it's 100% possible and nothing in the rules forces or even nudges the game down this path. It's just the standard premise.

    That's true of every game -- they're all hackable. Dogs in the Vineyard gets no mileage out of saying "Oh, an you can also probably use this for a zombie game." Sure, you can, but it's a moot point.

    I'm getting to where I don't put stock into back cover blurbs anymore. Blurbs that are evocative (like the above) but fail to tell me how this book is right for that sort of game might sell me on an idea but not on the game. Translation: If your blurb makes me want to drop what I'm doing and run a new campaign but doesn't tell me why I should use this book for my new campaign idea, I might decide some other game can handle this campaign idea without burdening my group with yet another new ruleset.
  18.  # 18
    So, talking with Daniel Solis some about this subject with his game, here's what I've come up with: Your back cover doesn't tell me what this book (read: not game, but "book") does for me. It tells me a neat idea, and I don't have to buy a book to take home a neat idea.

    But, in the end, it's about what you want to do with your back cover. If you really like your back cover copy, keep it and don't let folks like me convince you otherwise. What I'm telling you is merely what I get out of back cover copy, but I'm just one potential customer.
  19.  # 19
    Looking just at layout,

    1) You need some sort of tagline/image/word at the top to draw the eye to the text in the first place, e.g., "The Far Future", or [the first line of the text], or [some iconic image].

    2) The line breaks for the text aren't right. They seem haphazard. E.g., "With aid from the future and the wisdom of the past, / we stepped into new worlds across the universe." The last word of the line should be something you want to emphasize (since the mind lingers on it incrementally longer as the eye travels to the beginning of the next line). You should never end with "and", "for", etc.
    •  
      CommentAuthorHoho
    • CommentTimeJul 16th 2007
     # 20

    I think you could improve your layout some. That text BEGS to be set inside a circle. (not around it, mind you, in horizontal lines but with circular line length.) Or force-justified to a box. None of this raggedy-edged cushion business. Maybe vertical the title, maybe find a typeface that is a bit heavier so that it stands up to your shiny type treatments.

  21.  # 21
    Here's another try, incorporating a two-pronged approach. I believe the text should be legible in the image; if not, just let me know and I'll paste it in here. Thanks for the vertical title idea, Shreyas; It gives a neat touch.



    Lulu does print covers to the edge of the page, right?
  22.  # 22
    Posted By: Colin_FredericksLulu does print covers to the edge of the page, right?

    It did for Finis. Here's what we went with for the back cover:

    There's some bleed room there -- I think 1/8" inch on the top, bottom & left side, but I don't recall right now. Fred set all that up for me.
  23.  # 23
    With Lulu you can have wraparound covers, if you want. It's what we have.

    I like that new version SO much better. Especially the impact of those last few lines. Now you've got me intrigued :) Even though I still skipped much of the first part.
  24.  # 24
    I'm a little confused by the tone: the first paragraph is grandiose and serious, but the Patent Office paragraph sounds more comical. Is that juxtaposition intentional?
  25.  # 25
    Posted By: xenopulseWith Lulu you can have wraparound covers, if you want. It's what we have.

    But whether you want that or separated covers, Lulu will print to bleed.
  26.  # 26
    Chris - Hmm. The second paragraph isn't intended to be funny. A little lighter, but not comical. Perhaps "to ease their loneliness" would be better than "so that they might have friends" ?
    •  
      CommentAuthorAnemone
    • CommentTimeJul 17th 2007
     # 27
    Posted By: Colin_FredericksPerhaps "to ease their loneliness" would be better than "so that they might have friends" ?

    Yes!

    And I like the second design, it looks stronger and more decisive, as well as giving the run-down of what the game is.
  28.  # 28
    Posted By: Justin D. Jacobson2) The line breaks for the text aren't right. They seem haphazard. E.g., "With aid from the future and the wisdom of the past, / we stepped into new worlds across the universe." The last word of the line should be something you want to emphasize (since the mind lingers on it incrementally longer as the eye travels to the beginning of the next line). You should never end with "and", "for", etc.

    Quoting myself, because you still have issues with it in the new layout, e.g., ending one line with "an".

    Also, I like the general visualness of the diminishing line lengths, but then it's killed with the last line, i.e., "humanity". I think you need to do something with "humanity", e.g., make it big and purdy, go e.e. cummings on it and do something like:

    huma
    nit
    y

    [formatting almost certainly to be wrong, but you get the idea, right-justified]

    Yes, what I'm talking about will will requires some heavy lifting. You might have to rewrite some of the text to allow you to keep your general layout but leave your important words at the ends of the lines. It will be worth it in the end.
  29.  # 29
    Thanks for the suggestions, Justin. I did actually break up some of the lines differently in the top part. In the bottom I concentrated on the front of the line rather than the end.

    Also, there's no way I'm breaking up a word. Sorry. :) How about this:

    In Sufficiently Advanced, your characters work for the Patent Office, an intergovernmental
    organization that polices and enforces intellectual property law across the universe.
    It is an open secret that the Patent Office is run by the Transcendental AIs,
    who receive information from the future. The Transcendentals
    desire the survival of humanity - as much of it
    as possible - into the distant future,
    in order to ease their loneliness.
    Towards this end, they
    have hired you,
    so that you
    might save
    humanity.
  30.  # 30
    Yeah, that looks a lot better from my view.
    • CommentAuthorMalthusian
    • CommentTimeJul 17th 2007
     # 31
    At the top I'd put "WE LEFT EARTH BEHIND" on a line of its own, then drop down to the second line for "though we will never forget it."

    As for the bottom half of text I'd make it more concise. How about:
    You’re an Agent of the Patent Office, enforcing IP across the Universe. The Transcendental AIs, those that run the office through information from the future, desire only that mankind survives into the future; if only to ease their loneliness.

    Toward this end, you have been hired. Are you Sufficiently Advanced...

    TO SAVE HUMANITY?


    It loses little of its meaning. Besides, "You're an Agent..." sounds more active than "your characters work for..."

    Well, just my opinions/suggestions.
    -Michael
  32.  # 32
    Thanks for the suggestions, Malthusian, but it has the wrong feel to me.
    •  
      CommentAuthorGraham
    • CommentTimeJul 17th 2007 edited
     # 33
    Colin, I like that, especially the last bit ("To this end...they have hired you...so that you...might save...humanity").

    It could...um...you'll hate me for this...but you could put the flowery language back in a bit. The last bit is very poetic and works beautifully.

    In particular, the first sentence is fairly prosaic. "In Sufficiently Advanced, your characters work for the Patent Office, an intergovernmental organization...". Perhaps a bit of rephrasing, to make it more direct? "You work for the Patent Office, an intergovernmental organisation, enforcing intellectual property law across the universe"?

    I like the shortening sentences.

    I am probably not helping.

    Did I mention how
    much I liked
    that last
    bit
    ?

    Graham
  34.  # 34
    Graham: Bwahahaha.

    Yeah, I'll see what I can do that's inbetween an overly flowery "fucksplosion of tiger lilies" version and a more boring "marigold in a milk jug" version. :)

    Each of you is an agent of the Patent Office, an intergovernmental organization that polices
    and enforces intellectual property law across the universe. It is an open secret
    that the Patent Office is run by the Transcendental AIs, whose very
    beings are spread across time itself. The Transcendentals
    desire the survival of humanity — as much of it
    as possible — into the distant future,
    in order to ease their loneliness.
    Towards this end, they
    have hired you,
    so that you
    might save
    humanity.
    • CommentAuthorPaul Czege
    • CommentTimeJul 17th 2007 edited
     # 35
    I'm liking it. A variant on the first sentence:

    As agents of the Patent Office you will police and enforce intellectual property law
    across the universe. It is an open secret that the Patent Office
    is run by the Transcendental AIs, whose very beings
    are spread across time itself. The Transcendentals
    desire the survival of humanity - as much of it
    as possible - into the distant future,
    in order to ease their loneliness.
    Towards this end, they
    have hired you,
    so that you
    might save
    humanity.
  36.  # 36
    I dunno. I liked better:

    they require
    that you
    save
    humanity

    This tells you in no uncertain terms that you have no choice. Which, in the setting, you really don't.
    • CommentAuthorBurr
    • CommentTimeJul 17th 2007 edited
     # 37
    But "so that you might save humanity" implies that the future is precarious. Your job isn't just punch in, punch out.

    Edit: Actually, I think I agree with Chris, now that I've looked at the second back cover again. It looks right. And I'll bet the future isn't just precarious, it's desparate.

    Towards this end,
    they require
    that you
    save
    humanity

    for
    Pete's
    sake.
    •  
      CommentAuthorGraham
    • CommentTimeJul 18th 2007 edited
     # 38
    without your expertise in
    intellectual property law
    humanity will be
    ass-fucked
    like, totally
    screwed
    big time
    for real
    yeah
    •  
      CommentAuthorTemple
    • CommentTimeJul 18th 2007
     # 39
    God, I want this game.
  40.  # 40
    Posted By: MalthusianAs for the bottom half of text I'd make it more concise. How about:
    You’re an Agent of the Patent Office, enforcing IP across the Universe. The Transcendental AIs, those that run the office through information from the future, desire only that mankind survives into the future; if only to ease their loneliness.

    Toward this end, you have been hired. Are you Sufficiently Advanced...

    TO SAVE HUMANITY?

    Hrm. The first thing that comes to my mind when I read this is "ARE YOU A BAD ENOUGH DUDE TO SAVE THE PRESIDENT?" (The "Bad Dudes" arcade game, for those who don't recognize it.) Probably not the direction desired.
    • CommentAuthorBurr
    • CommentTimeJul 18th 2007 edited
     # 41
    I'm not good at this, but I wonder if you could play on the time-travelling messages with the text layout.
    Merrrrr.


    In Sufficiently Advanced, your characters work for the Patent Office, an intergovernmental
    organization that polices and enforces intellectual property law across the universe.
    It is an open secret that the Patent Office is run by the Transcendental AIs,
    who receive information from the future. The Transcendentals
    desire the survival of humanity -- as much of it
    as possible -- into the distant future,
    so to ease their loneliness.
    Pleaseoooodesign
    Towards thisoooooo
    s a v eoooyou
    They hiredoooo
    humanity.

    • CommentAuthorBurr
    • CommentTimeJul 18th 2007
     # 42
    (Test.) Just making sure I haven't screwed up this thread's html with my playing around above. *
  43.  # 43
    Burr: It's not a time-travel game, it just has some information transfer from the future. Also, in my mind, scattering words around like that just confuses people and makes them wonder if you've got nothing but a jumbled printing error at the end.
  44.  # 44

    This is all passive voice, and I think that's a mistake.

    But that's not what I came in to say. What I came in to say is, this is not a thing made by committee, where you have to get everyone's approval. Make what you want to make and people will live with it. Take or leave the advice you've gotten and make the text that sings to you.

    (This text doesn't sing to me. It seems to me that you can ditch a lot of words.)

  45.  # 45
    That's what I was trying to say with:
    Posted By: Ryan MacklinBut, in the end, it's about what you want to do with your back cover. If you really like your back cover copy, keep it and don't let folks like me convince you otherwise.

    It's cool that you want to make your back cover more accessible, Colin, but at the end of the day this is your project -- do what you like.

    But, to also make this a little more than just a "me too, again" post, I had a thought: do you really need to repeat the title? It's going to be on the front cover already, I assume. If you feel like playing with space, you could probably lose the title without harm to the back cover. That said, I do dig on how the title looks in vertical.
  46.  # 46
    For the end part, I think that emphasis should grab the customer. Like:

    Towards this end, they
    have hired

    you,

    to try to save humanity.


    Mike
    • CommentAuthortadk
    • CommentTimeJul 21st 2007
     # 47
    no matter the back cover blurb, where do I send money to pre-order to inspire you to finish the book

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