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I love Polaris' system of ritually negotiated conflict. But the game is just too tragic for me. Needs more lol. So I fixed it.
It's dangerous to go alone! Take this: Lolaris: Hilaryus Kittehs on teh Intarnetz. A game about diabeetus, the quest for the stolen buckit, and discovering what things have flavr.
Here are Polaris's concepts and phrases, and their equivalents in Lolaris:
"Long ago, the people were dying at the end of the world." = "Y hello thar. It are Caturday."
"But hope was not yet lost, for N__ still heard the song of the stars." = "O hai. N__ is in ur base."
"And so it was..." = "LOL."
"But only if..." = "Can has...?"
"And furthermore..." = "I has moar:"
"It shall not come to pass." = "DO NOT WANT"
"You ask far too much." = "JESUS CHRIST IT'S A LION. GET IN THE CAR"
"It was not meant to be." = "Monorail cat is out of service."
"And that was how it happened." = "k thx bai."
"But it was no matter..." = "Meh, invisible stuffs."
"We shall see what comes of it." = "I see what u did thar."
"But all that happened long ago, and now there are none who remember it." = "...But I eated it."
Ice = Cute
Light = Cheezburger
Zeal = Happy
Weariness = Emo
Heart = Lolcat
Mistaken = Loldog
Moons = Lolrus (hierarchy) and Lolbunny (emotional attachments)
For more lol and less fail, have the kittehs start Emo and become Happy as the game goes on. It isn't a Key Phrase, but it is highly encouraged to shout "KITTY HAS REACHED CRITICAL MASS" when you change from one to the other.
ROFL. kthx,
Sabe -
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CommentAuthorJoe Murphy
- CommentTimeOct 5th 2007
You have stolen the bucket of my heart. -
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Posted By: SabreCat"You ask far too much." = "JESUS CHRIST IT'S A LION. GET IN THE CAR"
...was only one of billions of things I liked about this post. Thanks for LOLing up my day :) -
This made my day.
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- CommentAuthorChris Gardiner
- CommentTimeOct 5th 2007
I go now to write a rock ballad dedicated to your awesome-osity.
Fantastic.
Sorry. I mean,
"k thx bai." -
Ya know, this stuff works in reverse as well...
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CommentAuthorRich Stokes
- CommentTimeOct 5th 2007
Posted By: SabreCatWeariness = Emo
FTW!
I rolled you a character...
But I playded it. -
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- CommentAuthorChris Gardiner
- CommentTimeOct 5th 2007
I can has narrative authority now? -
Posted By: Caesar_XYa know, this stuff works in reverse as well...
OMG YES.
This will be my new LJ bio.
I R SERIOUS. -
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CommentAuthorBret Gillan
- CommentTimeOct 5th 2007 edited
I'm not sure I can explain the mental connection I made between a cat in a frog hat and that phrase, but there it is. -
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- CommentAuthorMike Holmes
- CommentTimeOct 5th 2007
Dude, it's clear as day.
Mike -
This is MADE of AWESOME.
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CommentAuthorMatt Wilson
- CommentTimeOct 5th 2007
ZOMG
This idea is genius. It brought forth great heaping LOLs from the pit of my soul. -
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CommentAuthorBret Gillan
- CommentTimeOct 5th 2007
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(I have nothing useful to contribute, but this thread is giving me the happies)
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The moons are absolutely spot on. Brilliant.
This has made my life complete. -
This is pretty damn amusing, but have you actually tried playing it?
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Can it be hugs tiem now pleas?
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I either hate or love you. I'm having trouble deciding which is which.
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Posted By: EricCan it be hugs tiem now pleas?
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- CommentAuthorDave Hallett
- CommentTimeOct 6th 2007
LIKE!!! -
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CommentAuthorLaura Bishop
- CommentTimeOct 6th 2007 edited
Posted By: noclue
Oh. My God. I think I just peed my pants laughing. XD -
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CommentAuthorBen Lehman
- CommentTimeOct 6th 2007
This is amazing.
Hey, SabreCat, what happens when teh kittehs hit 5 happy?
yrs--
--Ben -
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CommentAuthorBen Lehman
- CommentTimeOct 6th 2007
Posted By: Bret Gillan
Fantastic. I think I may have a new LJ icon. -
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Posted By: Ben LehmanHey, SabreCat, what happens when teh kittehs hit 5 happy?
They are too happy to exist in this imperfect world any longer and transcend time and space to destroy Ephactha? -
Both "It shall not come to pass" and "The people were dying at the end of the world" had me laughing until I could barely breathe. You people win so hard. ^.^
Posted By: joepubThe moons are absolutely spot on. Brilliant.
Lolrus: I give u quest. U must bring back mah bukket!
Lolbunny: Noooo! Don't leeeave meee, kitty!
Lolcat: Dood stfu. I go get buckit.
Lolbunny: You make bunny cry!
Loldog: Ceiling cat saw that. MAKE AN EMO CHECK.Posted By: fnord3125This is pretty damn amusing, but have you actually tried playing it?
Not yet! Perhaps if my fellow story gamers get sufficiently slap-happy some night...Posted By: Ben LehmanHey, SabreCat, what happens when teh kittehs hit 5 happy?
They WIN THE INTERNET. This involves a proliferation of kittens who may or may not allegorically represent memes? -
- CommentAuthorcoffeestain
- CommentTimeOct 6th 2007
I'll play, Sabe, if we can torture our kitties through emo-logues at the conclusion of the game.
Regards,
Daniel -
- CommentAuthorClyde L. Rhoer
- CommentTimeOct 7th 2007
DO NOT WANT! -
Alternate:
"But it was no matter."- "O RLY?"
"We shall see what comes of it."- "YA RLY"
(You may precede other conflict phrases with "NO WAI!") -
Pictures Frozen From the Flow of Time...
Once upon a time, on the internet, there were the greatest cats we will ever know. We cannot look upon them as they were, but we can understand them as memes are added to them, melting like a snowflake in the sun.
For those cats are gone now, destroyed as the internet destroys all beautiful things. All that remains are those which we call pictures, moments frozen from the flow of time.
This Is No Longer a Cat, This Is Not Yet a Lol.
This is all that remains. Whatever else is what you make of it.
At It Was...
Once upon a time, before the cheeseburgers, before invisible objects, before monorails, before ceiling cat watching you masturbate, there was a great network. Built of ones and zeroes and full of imagination and pictures and text, it was home to pictures of cats whos splendor we are not given to understand. Free of captions, they lived a life of bliss, eating cat treats, warming themselves in the sun, and beloved by all. The named their network the internet, for it connected the world.
The cats in that age did not yet measure time, for they did know memes. Who can say how long it lasted? Perhaps it was merely a moment, fading away as the sunbeams flashed into a monitor, passing as it was even born. Perhaps it was forever until it ended. Does it matter, or is the thing the picture that lingers?
Their King...
Amongst them, there was a cat, and yet, above them, he was their king. Pure of snow in his hide, happy in his heart, and long in his stature, his grace and cuteness was admired by all the people. And so it was natural that they named him Longcat, for he ruled over them, as the internet cradled the world. -
And So It Came to Pass...
Could that night have been forever? Was it some error, or some choice, that summoned a caption into their history? Were posters lax, or failing, or unlucky in some way? Or was it merely the turning of the internet?
We cannot know why it came, or what could have been if it had not. We can only know that the sightings began with the anime fans. One and one they saw it, only fleeting and irregular, that website coming up at the edge of the internet, impossible and alien. They spoke of it, they wrote of it, they posted to it, they drew on it and sung its cacophonies on it. At first it was thought to be madness, that particular sort of madness that strikes the worst of them. But if it was madness, it spread, for more people saw, and more, and by the time it reached the highest, Longcat himself, it had already been given a name. Because it was new, they called it beautiful. Because it was new, they called it 4-Chan.
They saw Longcat then, and the 4-Channers cried over his length. And so it was that they called for a means that Longcat's length could be measured, and construction of a great Photoshop, that they might increase his length. The thrummings and clicking clackings of the Photoshop filled the internet, and Longcat's length was lengthened, and for the first time, the inhabitants of the internet knew a cat picture that was shopped. But they could not tell because of the pixels, because they had yet to have seen a number of shops in their time.
The /b/
By light of the internet, the /b/ festers like a neglected miscarriage, giving witness to the arrogance of the past just as the memes it spawns give the promise of dooms to the future.
Many stories are told about the /b/, its nature, its origins, and its history. Some say it has always been there- that the time of captionless cat pictures is simply a myth for cat fanciers. Others say it is not there at all, that it is only an illusion created by the worst in all of us. But most say that it was done, and that it was posted by people, and that we must take the blame for our own doom.
No one knows the truth, but they know that before the /b/, the internet was perfect, the cat pictures had no captions, and the people knew no memes, and now the people have learned lolcats, domo-kun, Bridget, and ten thousand other ravages of 4-Chan.
Such knowledge cannot be born without some excuse, some meaning, some explanation. And so the posters have made their own stories of how it came to pass. -
Longcat and Tacgnol
The greatest of the demons of /b/ is not a caption at all, but a cat: Tacgnol.
Only rarely ever sighted, Tacgnol is the greatest general amongst the emocats, and greatly respected amongst their kind. He is one of the cats, but black as midnight, and long, long as Longcat.
Some amongst the cat fanciers say that Tacgnol is Longcat, turned by /b/ cruel irony and Photoshop's filter into a mockery of himself. If you listen to the stories, or look at the pixels, this makes sense. But the truth is not that simple.
The oldest, weariest, and wisest amongst the cat fanciers- those that are near to giving up on the internet- know the truth. Tacgnol is every cat, who, attempting to win the internet with cuteness and lols, has put captions on its picture, turning to the lolcats with a corrupted and blackened heart. Tacgnol is terrible because he is mighty, yes, but he is even more terrible because he is the future of every lolcat that does not win the internet. They are most terrible, because when you think about the meme, you know that once, a forgotten age ago, they meant well. -
Willow, I bow to you. You are truly the winner of this here Internet.
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Haha! Way to go, Willow. I suppose you've come down on the side of "love"? ^.^
I considered ORLY/YARLY, but felt it sounded strange in the case where both lolcat and loldog reject the lolrus/lolbunny's statement. It could work, though! Even Serious Cat drifts the rules sometimes. -
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CommentAuthorBen Lehman
- CommentTimeOct 7th 2007
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- CommentAuthorMike Holmes
- CommentTimeOct 8th 2007
Are you trying to tell us how to play, Ben?
Or, um, how not to play?
Mike
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