Caucasian Adventures!

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  • Only for men. :\
  • Posted By: balthazarLong ago, the Caucasian people were divided into two distinct social classes: The Nobels and the Peasants. They were distinguished in part by the color of their blood. Then there was a Great Revolution, in which most of the Nobels were rounded up and executed using ingeniously devised machines against which they had no defense. Some of these devices may still exist in museums or hidden treasure caches.

    In modern times, there are still Nobels, but they are chosen on the basis of merit in Caucasian fields of study, such as Literature, Math and Money. A ceremony is held once a year in Knudepunkt to choose these new Nobels.
    Nobels can also make things explode, with a TNT Feat.

    That's how they maintained power for so long.

    CU
  • And don't forget this:



    CU
  • Ah yes, The Founders play heavily in the cosmology.
  • My friend Chris wrote this based on a conversation he and I had about this thread, and I had to post it:

    Jehovah, God of Plagues and Love
    Level 30 Deity
    AC: 50 (+30 Toga of Godly Might)
    HP: 999
    Special Attacks: Plagues, Create Flood, Forgiveness, Animate Dead, Sacrifice Son

    Jehovah, like the Roman god Janus (or the He-Man figure Man-E-Faces) possesses multiple personalities that make him an unpredictable adversary. He claims dominion over all creation and alternately smites or saves his followers according to his enigmatic grand plan. Jehovah rarely reaps vengeance upon those who directly harm him, instead choosing to demoralize his enemies by slaying their first born.

    Jehovah shuns physical combat in favor of attacking opponents with locusts or cones of acid that cause flesh to erupt in hideous boils. When sufficiently angered, Jehovah will create a deluge to sweep his foes into the sea. As Jehovah has conquered death, he can create an army of undead at will, and he is guarded at all times by the arch-lich Lazarus.

    If an enemy manages to strike Jehovah down, they may be surprised to find that they have instead slain his son, Jesus, who he can sacrifice to heal all damage.
  • Nobody mention this yet?

    Diana: Warrior Princess, the RPG

    Seemed relevant.
  • Posted By: buzzNobody mention this yet?

    Diana: Warrior Princess, the RPG

    Seemed relevant.
    Actually, I did in post #4 on this thread.

    The tropes of what Hercules and Xena do to ancient Greece are different than what Oriental Adventures and parallel games do to East Asia. But there are similarities.
  • Posted By: jhkimActually, I did inpost #4on this thread.
    Stink! Sorry for the dupe, folks.
  • "and the News" is better than the whole rest of this thread.

    Not that the rest of the thread isn't rad. :D
  • I know. That's the one that made me pee.

    Though I have to admit Saint Chaplin is pretty excellent as phrases go. But, you know, Mr. Chaplin may have been Jewish, so shouldn't he be off the list on account of the suspicion? What would the neighbors think?

  • As a fairly serious Christian, I think this bit is absolutely freakin' brilliant:
    If an enemy manages to strike Jehovah down, they may be surprised to find that they have instead slain his son, Jesus, who he can sacrifice to heal all damage.
    Uses: 1 per 3 days.
  • edited July 2007
    Posted By: Joshua A.C. Newman But, you know, Mr. Chaplinmay have been Jewish,
    I'm pretty sure the author of Caucasian Adventures wouldn't have a clue what the difference was, much like the Chinese ninjas you get in comparable material.
  • Chinese ninjas, eh?

    I think I need to make a T shirt that says, "Charlie Chaplin: Chinese Ninja".

  • Posted By: Mr. TeapotPosted By: Joshua A.C. NewmanBut, you know, Mr. Chaplinmay have been Jewish,
    I'm pretty sure the author of Caucasian Adventures wouldn't have a clue what the difference was, much like theChinese ninjasyou get in comparable material.
    Well, we're the authors of Caucasian Adventures. And yes, we should realize that that in the real world, the Jew population is almost as numerous as the Zhuang (!). The Judianic culture even includes its own language and religion almost unrelated to the main Caucasian language and religion, like the Zhuang do.

    So here's the tricky question: Normal gamers will of course recognize things like the cultural difference between Han and Zhuang and Miao. And to a Caucasian, the differences of Jews are just as obvious. However, I think a balance has to be struck between accuracy buffs who want to include subtle details like Jews, and those who prefer playability. The Caucasian Adventures could easily become huge and unwieldy if we try to explain subtleties like this, and I think most gamers wouldn't understand it anyway.

    I think we should try to concentrate instead on trying to make sure people don't play French vikings instead.
  • I understand those ones are called Normanic? And I think they have horns. I know, some people say that's a myth, but this is mythic Caucasia we're talking about here!

  • edited July 2007
    Clearly we need some secret societies.


    The Order of the Invisible Hand

    Caucasia's material prosperity comes at a terrible price. While it may appear that merchants, artisans, and shopkeepers buy and sell freely, in truth their every action is dictated by the sorcery of the Invisible Hand. This secret society is also known as the Freemasons or the Jews: the former for their massive, foreboding temples built at no cost by conscript labor (hence "free masonry"), the latter for their secret troves of gems and jewelry. In their fortified marble vaults, or "banks," the Order holds magical "mortgages" (literally "death gauges") on almost every home in Caucasia, which they can use to cause the windows and doors to seal up, trapping the hapless inhabitants in a process known as foreclosure.

    The Order of the Invisible Hand uses its power to ruin not only individual businesses that defy its will, but entire cities and even nations. Their minions, the diminutive but deadly Gnomes of Zurich, strike for double damage from behind but will flee from a face-to-face fight. Against the most serious threats, they frequently hire the heavily armed Cowboys of Big Oil.

    The leadership of the Order is notoriously secretive, but key figures include the wizened oracle Alan Greenspan; the undying sorceror Paul Voldemort; the 13th-level Jew Henry Fnord, who prophesied that the people could have whatever they desired, as long as it was black; the anti-paladin warlord General Motors, notorious for declaring that whatever is good for him is good for the country; and E.F. Hutton, whose sorcery compells people to listen whenever he speaks.

    Their arch-enemies are Karl Marx and his mad Marx Brothers, who along with their ally, the 10th level Bard/3rd level Ideologist John Lenin, quest endlessly to destroy the Order's its most sacred artifact, the Hand of Smith. The Hand is said to have belonged to an ancient necromancer named Adam Smith who wrote the Order's holy book, The Wealth of Nations. It is rumored that Smith made himself into a lich and still rules the Order from a secret catacomb deep beneath Wall Street in Caucasia's capital, the dread City of London.


    [EDITED to make it even worse...]
  • I just assumed Jew would be a prestige class.
  • With access to special spells like magical fire that burns for eight days, utterly annihilating their enemies!
  • Posted By: Sydney FreedbergTheir arch-enemies are Karl Marx and his mad Marx Brothers, who quest endlessly to destroy the Order's its most sacred artifact, the Hand itself. The Hand is said to have belonged to an ancient necromancer named Adam Smith
    Can't stop laughing!
  • edited July 2007
    Can't stop writing (dammit):


    The Cowboys

    Across the vast deserts of Caucasia roam the nomadic Cowboys. Wealthy in cattle, these redoubtable warriors adorn themselves with the skulls of longhorn steers upon their broad metal belt buckles (+1 to Armor Class) and their distinctive broad-brimmed hats (+1 to AC, but no other helmet may be worn). They are famed for their speed in switching from one firearm to the other -- each Cowboy carries not one but six guns -- but in close combat they are equally deadly, fighting with sharp spurs on the back of their boots. Cowboys can be Evil, Good, or Neutral in alignment, but they are notoriously independent minded and thus always Chaotic.

    The most powerful Chaotic Evil Cowboys reside in a dark tower always wreathed in smoke, known as Big Oil after the source of their power, a mysterious black sludge which sprays forth from deep below the earth to choke their archenemies, otters and penguins. The masters of Big Oil are J.R., who was once shot but revived by dark magic, and Cheney "the Dick" Haliburton, who once shot a man in the face merely for interfering with his hunting. The Dark Lord Cheney is closely allied with the Order of the Invisible Hand and constantly sends forth armies of Cowboys to conquer other countries rumored to have sources of Oil.

    The Chaotic Good Cowboys swear their devotion to the mystical Yellow Rose of Texas. The true location of the Rose is a carefully guarded secret, known only to the closest followers of Ronnie Ray Gun, the Lone Ranger, once the ruler of all Caucasia before he was deposed by Cheney and the Invisible Hand. In his prime, Ronnie single-handedly ended the Cold War between the Caucasian principalities of California, his native land, and the frigid kingdom of Rus by invoking mighty magic to "tear down this wall" and breach the Rusian defenses. Though now ancient in days and affable, even senile, in appearance, this 6th level Ranger/6th level Cowboy/3rd level Paladin can still unleash deadly rays of light from his six guns to destroy the enemies of Good. The Ray Gun's sidekick is Bonzo, a comical man-monkey with mysterious powers over sleep. The two of them ride across Caucasia on their white horses, never stopping long in one place, but everywhere they go, their loyal followers tie yellow ribbons around trees in honor of the Yellow Rose and in devout hope that one day the Lone Ranger will return.

    The two factions of Cowboys are locked in a bitter struggle for the Heart of Texas, a magical red gem said to grant its possessor mastery over all Cowboys, regardless of alignment (+10 bonus to Charisma, affects Cowboys only). The last possessor of this artifact, the legendary Man With No Name, also known as Tex, is said to have bequeathed it to a mere boy, known only as Shane, before riding off into the sunset on his flying stallion. It is said that one day Shane will come back bearing the Heart and bestow it upon the rightful heir of the Man With No Name, uniting all Cowboys once again under a single ruler.

  • edited July 2007
    Posted By: Sydney FreedbergThe Order of the Invisible Hand

    Caucasia's material prosperity comes at a terrible price. While it may appear that merchants, artisans, and shopkeepers buy and sell freely, in truth their every action is dictated by the sorcery of theInvisible Hand.
    Did you hear that? I think that was the sound of Adam Smith rolling in his grave. Oh, wait...he's a lich, so I guess he doesn't have a grave.
  • edited July 2007
    Well, it's the whole point of this project to bring to Caucasian customs like "capitalism" the same depth of understanding that RPGs have traditionally accorded Oriental concepts such as "honor," "face," and "ninjas."
  • Oh, I know. I thought it was funny. The ninja parallel makes me wonder whether we should have something on the Navy Seals...fierce warriors whose training allows them powers of invisibility, shape-shifting, and flight.
  • They can shape-shift into invisible, flying seals.
  • No no, they don't fly. They "swim in the air like it was the water." :)
  • The six-shooter can cut through a tank.
  • Tank-destroying six-guns, absolutely. Navy were-seals, yes, absolutely. Roleplayers should be satanist were-swine wielding rocket-propelled grenades deep in the bowels of the steam tunnels, because, y'know, the acronym "RPG," which is clearly meant to be pronounced "are pig."
  • My girlfriend offered this very important detail for authenticity:

    "We all know each other. We all went to school together, or our parents went to school together."
  • edited July 2007
    Posted By: Sydney FreedbergTheir arch-enemies areKarl Marxand his madMarx Brothers, who quest endlessly to destroy the Order's its most sacred artifact, theHand of Smith
    Don't forget their ally, John Lennon!
  • edited July 2007
    Posted By: Chris GoodwinDon't forget their ally, John Lennon!
    Don't you mean John Lenin?
  • edited July 2007
    I think I did mean that, yes.
  • edited July 2007
    Don't you mean John Lenin?
    There's some unclosed italics tag wackiness going on here. Anemone, I think it's your last post.
  • edited July 2007
    I wonder if this will help.

    EDIT: Nope.
  • Nope. No italic tags whatsoever. Just the cite and blockquote tags.
  • I've edited John Lenin into the original post. Excellent idea.
  • Anemone, it may not have been your doing, but it's an italics tag that opens the quote from Chris in your post. Maybe it was some hiccup in Vanilla.

    Nonetheless, Camino won't let me use the Quote, Whisper and Permalink links on any post below yours. Somebody get Andy!
  • edited July 2007
    Guys, putting in additional closing tags for italics will cause the next post to start in italics. :) I fixed it all now.
  • Posted By: xenopulseGuys, putting in additional closing tags for italics will cause the next post to start in italics. :) I fixed it all now.
    Booyah! Thanks, Christian.
  • Maybe I'm asking something that was answered in the parent thread, but...

    Are the representations of Asian culture made in most RPGs really this bad? I haven't really played many Asian-themed RPGs, nor am I an expert on Asian cultures.
  • edited July 2007
    Posted By: buzzMaybe I'm asking something that was answered in the parent thread, but...

    Are the representations of Asian culture made in most RPGs really this bad? I haven't really played many Asian-themed RPGs, nor am I an expert on Asian cultures.
    Yup. This thread's been going between "shallow and superficial" and "comically misunderstood," and that's a pretty good span for a great many "culture"-themed RPGs. Perhaps we need a thread for Great Achievements of Cultural Exploitation and Misunderstanding in the Field of Role-Playing Games.

    For more fun and excitement, check out the Oriental Adventures forum at Wizards of the Coast. THRILL at actual fans discussing product. CHILL at arguments over whether "ninjas were really evil"! AMAZE at the FAQ, which answers the questions "I want to play a Geisha, how can I do this?" and "How do I make, say, a Japanese campaign setting?" in one sentence each! Then BRACE YOURSELF for the Campaign Workshop forums! All this and more - if you have the courage!
  • Yeah, that seems like a fair assessment of many RPG products.
  • Okay.

    But are the Euro/US-centric RPGs any better or worse? I guess I'm thinking about the various assumed medievalisms in most FRPGs, etc.
  • Hey guys, not to be heavy-handed, but let's reserve this thread for suggestions for Caucasian Adventures and leave discussion of cultural representation in RPGs in the parent thread. Thanks muchly!
  • edited July 2007
    But are the Euro/US-centric RPGs any better or worse? I guess I'm thinking about the various assumed medievalisms in most FRPGs, etc.
    The other problem is this:

    The Tibet RPG (it's free now)

    It's an extremely realistic portrayal of modern/contemporary society in Tibet. It's fair, non-biased, no "kewlness" or fetishism attached.

    Forgive me, but it looks boring as shit (but please prove me wrong if I am wrong!), based on a flip-through at a bookstore a few years back.

    Here's the combat sheet, presumably used when Chinese soldiers show up.

    Coming from a strong background in the Japanese language and sociological study, there are parts of L5R that make me cringe and shake (especially on naming conventions). And yet, the game is awesome, embraces some fetishism (katanas! calligraphy!) and gives you something to do. The Japanese RPG "Terra The Gunslinger" is filled with crazy shit about the US (all nuns/priests go packin', are crack shots, and say stuff like "I must kill you in the name of God!"; early Americans did not escape religious persecution, but rather they fled from evil European vampire children; "The Atrantic Ocean"; Mary Magdeline is alive, and is a psychotic possessed killer; Edison took his brain out and put it into the body of a teenage automata in a French maid outfit; All Most Mexicans carry gatling guns), but again it's awesome even though it fetishizes to some degree.

    I think there's some things to be careful of, and cultural respect should be honored. There was an old article for Dragon Magazine that had a Japanese name generator: Because the author ran Oriental Adventures, and since there were no name lists the players were "Jack the Samurai", "Sushi the Bushi", etc. So yeah, cultural retardedness, and yet it lead to a cool project which injected 250ccs of Solid Respect back into the game (The Dragon Magazine Japanese Names Project, ca 1988).

    There's lots to consider.

    Still, though, satire is almost always therapeutic IMO, if it comes out of fun, enthusiasm and wanting to inspire change, rather than from darkest bitterness.

    -Andy

    EDIT: Sorry Daniel! (crossposted the above) You're totally right, this should be in the parent thread. I'll just re-emphasize, "Go Satire!", as long as it's heart and not spite that drives the enterprise.
  • Posted By: DanielSolisHey guys, not to be heavy-handed, but let's reserve this thread for suggestions for Caucasian Adventures and leave discussion of cultural representation in RPGs in the parent thread. Thanks muchly!
    Apologies from me, too. I'll check out the original thread.
  • You know, we have this fantastic map, but we don't yet have any details on how caucasians travel between all these awesome places.
  • According to the cover, they travel in yachts wearing white linen and laughing over glasses of wine. :)
  • Also in giant, enormous, huge SUVs the size of houses. With guns mounted on them.
  • Ah yes, the average Caucasian house is at least ten times the size of their SUV. You can use this rule of thumb to measure the size of any Caucasian's estate.
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