My RandomRPG looking for Feedback

edited May 2009 in Game Design Help
Hey Everyone,

For those of you who may be interested in giving more feedback/new things to try, here I am with my game for the Random Elements Game Design Contest so far. I think its more or less playible, and im in the process of wrangling my players to sit down with it. But I thought I would offer it up to the masses in the hopes of some feedback. I originally had this over at totrpg.com but after a weekend of nothing, I thought I would share it here too.

If you would like to take a look here it is

http://www.freewebs.com/ggnewb/Self-inflicted.pdf

If you look at it, giving some feedback would be helpful.

Thanks for your time and interest

Comments

  • I was looking for something similar a while back and it was suggested that rather than just posting a link, I explain why my game is cool, and what I wanted to do with it, and then that would lead into more specific questions. I did, and got great feedback. I'd recommend you try the same. Rather than just jumping out with a link, maybe tell us why your game is cool, and what, specifically, you think is worthy of attention.
  • Thanks Torque,

    that said, I was kinda hoping the allure of the new and different as well as whatever interest there was in the random rpg content, would help generate some cold feedback. That said, it doesn't appear to have worked.

    I also find it somewhat amusing that the two main pieces of advice here are, this is not commerical (at least like the big companies), follow your heart and make sure you advertise because this is comerical. What can I say, perhaps I've been writting to many queries to various places to want to do some more now.

    Either way, thanks for your time.

    Logos
  • There's lots of new and different out there. My RSS feed is plump. I'm even in work, and have a spreadsheet I should be working on. So I'm with DT on this. What's the hook? What's the pitch?
  • You know what a year of working as a telemarketer has made me deathly allergic to Hooks and Pitches.

    Thank you everyone for your time, I think im gonna go read something.
  • No need for a hook or a pitch or advertising. You need to be interested enough in your own game to tell us why anyone else should have a look. That's all.
  • Posted By: misubaNo need for a hook or a pitch or advertising. You need to be interested enough inyour own gameto tell us why anyone else should have a look. That's all.
    Ditto.
  • edited May 2009
    I'll extend the hand of peace here. I gave it a read through.

    This game's voice comes across like a a sidewalk evangelist, ostensibly trying to convert others, but instead sounding like they're trying to convince themselves. The game almost reads like a parody, but one that misses its mark so badly that it's hard to tell what it was aiming at.

    It stumbles on the mechanical side, too, trying to adapt traditional rpg mechanics and structure to do some non-traditional rpg things (personality transformation, social interaction). It doesn't exploit the strengths of traditional rpg mechanics, nor does it delve far enough into any non-traditional approaches to find an alternate solution. For now I'll assume you want to keep it as a traditional rpg and not turn it into one of our "hippy-type" games.

    Firstly, it needs more connections between the description that you hope players will give and the mechanics. Think on how games like D&D design and use modifiers, equipment (which is actually a type of modifier) to add to play. "I hit him with my magic sword." is two bits ("magic" and "sword") better than "I hit him." If you really want to explore how to do this better, Vincent Baker's writeups on this process (as linked to in another Story Games thread) might be helpful.

    The second problem is that the use of dice is, well...abrupt. Take another look at D&D. The most interesting thing to play in D&D is the combat, in part because it's a process, not resolved right away, but not as long-term as levelling up. If you're going to make personality transformations a major part of each game, then each push should be a bit more like D&D combat, and less like a D&D "rope use" roll.

    The genre setups are too vague, presuming that the people involved are already intensely familiar with the genre. It's safe to say the gamemaster will be familiar with whatever genre he or she decides to run, but some players might not be, so something about the concepts, themes and stereotypes of each genre (and how they tie into the game mechanics) might be helpful.

    Finally, what are mechs doing on page 23? It just came out of left field. If you want to include a mecha setting, then put it with the rest of the genre setups.

    Sorry, but the game really doesn't come across well at all. We all have our train wrecks of game design. Learn from them, and do better next time.
  • Thank you for taking the time to look over the game, I appreciate it.
  • Logos, I read the game as well. I have to mostly agree with Graham that it was confusing.

    Essentially, I just didn't get what the game was *about*. Not necessarily in the hippie/story games sense - if I pick up Shadowrun, I understand what its about, and what the world and the action is going to be about. But with your game, I didn't. Maybe it would benefit from being focused more on one of the example settings.

    And, yeah, the sudden introduction of the mecha as part of the combat rules was odd.
  • Hey everyone,

    Thanks for your bits of feedback, the game has reached v1.0 and is being submitted as is from here on.

    for those of you interested,

    http://filbolg.wordpress.com/self-inflicted-buffer-overflow/

    I've cleaned up the introduction a bit , but its still more of the same. But thank you for time and interest.
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